Greetings,
The Apostle Paul said in his letter to the Philippians that we are to “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.” (Philippians 2:3) We should endeavor to treat one another as more important than ourselves. In other words, we should be moved to lift one another.
In Lift: Becoming a Positive Force in Any Situation, authors Ryan and Robert Quinn explore this concept. “All of us have a choice: we can choose to be the kind of people who drag others down or to be the kind of people who lift…. We are relational beings. Who we are at any time depends on who the people around us are, and who they are depends on who we are.” That last statement can’t be overemphasized. It carries with it a great deal of responsibility, especially for us as God’s people. We are our brother’s keeper. We have a responsibility to each other to lift each other up—to be a positive force in each other’s life. We build the community of God one person at a time.
The authors describe lift first as an uplifting effect we have on others. Second, it is a state of mind in which we are (1) purpose centered (we have a purpose that is not weighted down by needless expectations); (2) internally-directed (we have a story of how our personal values will guide our actions); (3) other-focused (we feel empathy for the feelings and needs of others); and (4) externally-open (we believe that we can improve at whatever it is we are trying to do. When we are uplifted we can more easily lift those around us. So this requires some inner work and intentional thought.
The daily pressures of life drag us down into what the author’s term more normal states; what our own human nature inclines us to do. Normal states are states in which we (1) seek comfort; (2) react automatically to the world around us; (3) focus on our own needs and feelings; and (4) believe that there is little we can do to improve.
This is why Paul admonishes us to think on “whatever is true, whatever is worthy of respect, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable.” He adds,” if something is excellent or praiseworthy, think about these things.” (Philippians 4:8)
Here are some questions to ask ourselves:
1. What results do I want to create?
Are the results I am trying to create about me and what I am comfortable with or are they about what is best for the other person?”
2. What would my story be if I were living the values I expect of others?
This is about exercising the self-control necessary to live up to the values that I expect of others.
3. How do others feel about this situation?
We need to be open to other people’s feelings and needs. We then empathize with others and feel impulses to be compassionate. When we are self-focused, we are concerned only with our own needs, feelings, and wants. We see other people as objects that either help us or impede us in our goals.
4. How can I best accomplish my purpose for this situation?
When we are open we learn, grow and adapt ourselves to the situation unfolding before us. When we are internally closed, we ignore and deny feedback. We ignore or deny feedback out of fear that the feedback says something about our worth as human beings. So as a result, we tend to get angry.
Here are some other ideas:
When a new situation disrupts our previous expectations, though, it is more productive to change our expectations than to try to make the world conform to our old expectations. Self-regulation is the process of using one’s conscious mind to inhibit one’s automatic response to the situation and to replace it with a controlled response.
What kind of influence will we be?
Michael McKinney
